Who's your Daddy?

 So this last weekend we were at two archery tournaments for my daughter...(so. much. fun.!!!)  A father of one of her teammates began a conversation with me.  He had me point out my daughter who was competing and could see the other two 'littles.'  He asked me about my archer and I finally told him we home schooled.  He said "Oh, we met another family last year that home schooled...man, they had a ton of kids." He rubbed his head and thought for a minute.  "Yeah, I want to say 5 kids, no, maybe it was 6!"  

         (This is just a fraction of the tribe...getting ready to cheer the archer on! )

Now he was shaking his head in disbelief as he recalled the astronomical number of children this particular home schooling family had.  Doug and I listened in silence for him to finish digging his hole.  When he finally finished going ooonnn and ooonnn about allll those kids we looked at each other and started to laugh.  I finally said, "You might want to sit down, cause we can beat that....we have 7!"   He shook his head and said, "Yeah, but not all of them....." Meaning, "Yeah, but not all of them are yours....." sigh.  I had twenty million replies run through my head along with 25 million emotions.  I finally chose to not be totally offended, mad, or hurt and give him the benefit of the doubt (ignorant, just ignorant) and explained how many bios etc...blah blah blah.  It has bothered me ever since.  There is a huge part of me that was really offended and an even bigger part of me that just felt worn out, worn out by the same thinking, the same questions, the same not understanding. This man made a distinction between the love I have for my bios and my love for my adopted children, he pointed out what my kids already struggle with, who do I belong to?  Who Am I?  But as I replay the conversation I realize that I can be guilty of the same thing, I still find myself  guilty of not understanding who I am or who I belong to.

  What if someone asked you who you belong to.  The majority of us grew up in a home with two parents, maybe they were divorced, but we still had two parents.  We would say we belong to them.  But what if you didn't know who you belonged to?  What if you felt like you didn't belong to anyone?  What if when you were asked, "Who are you?" you were totally convinced you were an orphan, you were totally convinced you were worth nothing, worth no one's love or time.  My kids fight these thoughts all the time.  It is confusing, their story is confusing.  Given away, no, left somewhere, not even handed to a person, just left somewhere for anyone to find.  They were found and taken to an orphanage where there was no one to belong to once again.  Various caretakers, being moved back and forth from an orphanage to a 'foster family; never belonging to anyone.  Then one day a family (Family?  What does that even mean?) comes and says they love you and takes you in an airplane to a place you have never seen, and speaks a language you cannot understand and eats food you have never tasted.  You don't just say, "Okay, this is love.  Now I belong!"  No, you fight what you don't know to feel what you do know.  You  fight the love and want anger instead, it is comforting, it is what you know.  You fight the closeness and sabotage it when it 'crosses your lines' because it feels better to be on your own, you belong to no one.  But. Then. God.  

                                               (But. Then. God.)

Then you hear the name of God.  Then you feel the Holy Spirit.  Then your  hardened heart melts just the smallest bit.  Then you are told how much he loves you, how he wants to be a father to you....you want it, you know your heart longs for it...but you just can't grasp it, you just can't reach out and take it. You. Just. Can't. You lie and you cheat and you steal so that God, who is love, will not love you.  Then those people who say they are your family will turn and you will feel comfortable again, safe and unknown, and you will belong to no one....until someone prays for you that day, talks to you that day, and that hardened heart melts just the smallest bit....and so the cycle goes. 

                                                            (A moment of belonging)

My kids are not so different than me. Not so different at all.  Who am I?  Who do I belong to?  I struggle to answer that on so many days.  It is easier for me to tell my kids who they are then to tell myself who I am and believe it.  Do you know who you are?  Do you know who you belong to? I would love to tell you what I tell them...

You are who, the only One who has the authority to name you, says who you are.

He says you are His child,  His heir.  He calls you Beloved son or daughter.

And while you may live like an orphan and the liar has his way, the truth is, you never were an orphan.  He has held you in the palm of His hand, He knows the number of hairs on your head, there is no where you can run from His spirit.  All your days were ordained by him before one of them came to be.  You were never an orphan. 

And so we run on our 'wheel', we live in a place between knowing and craving the truth and pushing the truth away every single time.  My prayer is that one day, the truth will be held close and the craving will be satisfied with the only thing that will satisfy it.   We will run confidently to Him as his arms are flung wide for us and He smiles and hugs us and says, "Beloved Daughter!  Beloved Son!"

But to all who have received him--those who believe in his name--he has given the right to become God's children … (John 1:12).

I no longer call you slaves, because the slave does not understand what his master is doing. But I have called you friends, because I have revealed to you everything I heard from my Father (John 15:15).

And if children, then heirs (namely, heirs of God and also fellow heirs with Christ)--if indeed we suffer with him so we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:17).

So you are no longer a slave but a son, and if you are a son, then you are also an heir through God (Galatians 4:7).

Greater

MercyMe

Bring your tired
And bring your shame
Bring your guilt
And bring your pain
Don’t you know that’s not your name
You will always be much more to me

Every day I wrestle with the voices
That keep telling me I’m not right
But that’s alright

‘Cause I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed
When others say I’ll never be enough
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world
In the world
In the world
And greater is the One living inside of me
Than he who is living in the world

Bring your doubts
And bring your fears
Bring your hurt
And bring your tears
There’ll be no condemnation here
You are holy, righteous and redeemed

Every time I fall
There’ll be those who will call me
A mistake
Well that’s okay

‘Cause I… Full lyrics on Google Play 

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